Am I the only new parent that can’t wait for her child to start crawling, sitting completely on her own, and eventually walking? So many people say to me, “Don’t you just wish they’d stay a baby forever?” I retort, “Are you out of your mind? Have you seen how heavy she is for five months?” At least in my mind I do. Instead, I smile and say, “Why yes, I could just hold her forever.” Now don’t get me wrong. Many days I do feel that way, especially when I am nursing her at night and we’re close and snuggly. But the reality is, I need some kind of independence.

Vivian, my five month old, is so high maintenance and she wants to be held constantly. She could care less about her swing, her floor play gym, any of her toys, her Bumbo, and she will only sit in her activity center for about 20 min MAX (that is on a good day). This doesn’t mean I walk away. I just need to not have to be “ON” and holding her constantly. I stay with her and watch her in each of her little play grounds and quite frankly, it’s a lot of fun watching her discover things and play.

Ok, she just woke up from a 40 minute nap so….mommy to the rescue!

Ciao,
Mindy

There something therapeutic about singing at the top of my lungs Tori Amos’ music.  It’s been quite awhile since I’ve had the chance to do that simple activity.  Vivi is still asleep…er…back to sleep after awaking at 6 a.m. and wanting to play.  So as I sit here in my office, singing Baker Baker is quite cathartic.  It takes me back to a time when I was single, childless, searching, and empty.  My how time has changed.

Anyways, I have a book  in my head.  Maybe two, maybe three and I’ve been trying to mentally organize but to no avail.  Hmmm…let’s see…what do I want to write about?  My research on parenting styles and personal experience; substance abuse; self-help; autobiography; relationships; men; wow!  Guess I have some work to do.  However, that will have to wait cause Vivi calls:)  and I always answer her promptly!

Ciao:)
Mindy

Repressed memories and parenting thoughts.

I have fond memories of being a kid.  The problem is that they are hidden amongst the many repressed bad memories that have to be retrieved.  Lately, I find my self slowly remembering things and I don’t know if it’s from all the time I spend with my daughter (now almost 4 mo. old).  Obviously, I am not remembering memories from when I was that age, though I am sure that those were good ones.  No, these are memories from I guess 3-14 years and 18-23 years.  These seemed to have been bad times for me, filled with too many unwanted memories and not enough good times; these are coming back.  I have to believe that there were good times and every now and then I get a glimpse of those times.

I guess what seems to be pulling these memories out is the amount of parenting books that I have been reading lately as well as my daydreaming about being the perfect parent.  As I read about all the things that parents should or shouldn’t do to their children (daughters to be exact), I realize that my parents had it all wrong and no wonder I am screwed up! 

Now, this isn’t some plot to blame my parents for all my mistakes in life or to say if they hadn’t treated me better that my life might somehow be different.  I like my life.  Let me rephrase – I love my life and wouldn’t change a thing.  I also love my parents dearly – all four of them – and know that they were just doing the best that they knew how to do.  Afterall, in the late 1970’s and eary 1980’s there wasn’t all the research that there is today on parenting styles, child development and whatnot.  However, let’s just say that my childhood was less than pleasant and in order to ensure that my daughter (children) don’t experience anything like it, I read, I research, and I read more.

I can’t believe how the time flies with a baby.  I’m a stay at home mom now for crying out loud and I can’t get a darn thing done! I spend all my time staring at my beautiful Vivi and I am completely content with that.  Let the dust build, let the laundry pile, and save the dishes for another day – she’ll only be this big for so long.  It’s already been almost 6 weeks and I feel like I’m missing out on something if I am away from her:)  The other morning, she was still sleeping and I had actually managed to wake up at 9am instead of my usual lately 11am.  Anyways, so I let her sleep and started to get some things done with a baby monitor at my side.  Then I started to feel guilty that I hadn’t attached her to me to let her sleep on my chest like I normally do – thus getting nothing done.  I am sure this time will pass and I will feel the need to get things done and not just stare into those baby blues.

Before Vivi, I was an on-the-go slave, doing whatever I could do to make myself or my life seem worth something or meaningful.  From the minute I knew I was pregnant everything changed.  I knew finally what I was meant all along to be – a mommy to Vivian (yes her name was picked out before she was conceived).  I have come to realize that from here on out my life’s duty is to be a mommy first and equally a wife to Sid – everything else for me is secondary and almost meaningless.  I decided before I was ever pregnant that if I was ever going to raise a child that I would give them everything that I never had – or never perceived that I had.  I have one chance to make this right and I’ll be darned if I don’t raise her right.  No, I don’t mean spoiling her – but raising her with unconditional love and support in whatever she wants to do.  I also will not be spanking because I don’t trust myself. Yes, there are plenty of other disciplinary actions to take to get your child to listen to you and quite frankly, they work much better.  Spare me with “spare the rod, hate your child” crap from the Bible.  It’s not there and what is there is completely taken out of context.  Just like in the 23rd Psalm when David says, “Thy rod and they staff guide me.” That doesn’t sound like like he was beat in order to be guided.  The rod is discipline - whatever form one may choose that works to effectively guide their child.

Ok, I am done:) Enough googling over my lovely, I must get something done today, even if it’s just making it to Starbucks for my Grande Triple Pumkin Spice Latte – yes I said triple! Hey, you have a kid:)

Min

boundaries

It’s sad when you have to start turning off your phone and stop responding to family members just to get a little peace and quiet.  You’d think that with an impending baby on the way that my family would give Sid and I some alone time – no, not the case.  I don’t understand the thinking that it’s ok to just drop by someone’s home and intrude on them just because they live close to you.  So I quit working my day job to focus on my graduate studies, finish a grant, and take a teacher certification class.  That doesn’t mean that I am sitting at home just watching T.V. and eating bon bons.  Since when do people that attend graduate school or work from home have all this time to come out and play?  Not to mention the fact that I’m making a baby and trying to stay healthy.

It is amazing how angry Sid and I are with my family.  We are the first to attend every time consuming function and are very active with our family but when we ask for a little privacy, all we get is constant badgering.  Why does buying a new home mean that everyone thinks it’s ok to come over and spend the night?  This isn’t a flop house, it’s my home, my privacy, MY HOME!

So the phone stays off until after Vivian comes – I am no longer available to anyone except Sid!

Frustrated,
Mindy

a drink…maybe two

sounds really good right now; guess it’s good that I am pregnant and would never have one.  So what do I do when I am no longer preggers?  There must be a solution.  I did it for 13 months before, and almost 3 years a time before.  I plan on picking up right where I started after I have Vivian, I just know that it will be hard at times.

For me, to drink is to die, to lose my husband, to be a horrible mother, wife, friend, daughter, and sister.  When I think about having a drink, I immediately am reminded of all the horrible things that I would become and all the devastation it would bring.  Sometimes I just want something to feel better.  Guess that’s why it’s good to stay medicated; that however, isn’t an option at this time.

I think my obsession today with wishing I could drink something to make me feel better is because my back is KILLING me – mid to lower back muscles and my sciatic nerve.  I still have 3 more months or 12 weeks.  I cannot wait:)

So here I sit, at my laptop, listening to music, wishing to feel better.  Hopefully I’ll get more than 4 hours of sleep tonight.  I think I will try and get that ball rolling:)

Goodnight:)
Min

So now we wait…wait for summer to end, back pain to end, and for Vivian to make her debut to the world.  Oh but the time just keeps on ticking ever so slowly.  We’ve been pretty busy up until now.  Now things are starting to slow down a bit, until I find something else to consume my time with while I wait.  I don’t do well with a lot of time on my hands.  I wish that I could somehow make myself more productive, but how? With what?

So I’ve been thinking a lot about the direction my career and academic path has been taking me and I’ve decided that I am tired of psychopathologies and abnormal behaviors.  I’m really questioning my clinical psychology direction and am really thinking more about counseling or school psychology.  More specifically, i am interested in working as a counselor in a school.  I still want to work with children and adolescents, just not in the field of addictions per se.  It’s just a downer and I know what the problem is and what could change the choices adolescents make, but I also know that it will never change because the very things that need to change won’t – PARENTING!  No one wants to listen when it comes to changing their parenting styles or communication with their own children, but that is where psychopathologies begin.  Maybe I am jaded, but I don’t think it will ever change.  Parents and society have let our youth down.  We’re doing a bad job and I am afraid that it is only going to get worse.  I know that I will be faced with the same type of parents working in the schools, but I will also be working with most adolescents BEFORE they get to a point of needing substance abuse counseling.  Sometimes, all a child needs is to know that ONE person believes in them to make a difference in their life.  I want to be that person.

Anyways, I am rambling now.  My point is, in Texas, a lot of districts require that a person seeking a counselor position not only have the necessary certifications, but they also want a candidate that has had at least 3 years of teaching experience.  Therefore, while I take this quarter off in preparation for Vivian, i am going to get my teacher certification.  Then, maybe in the fall next year I can start a teaching internship (1 yr) to complete certification.  Who knows, all I know is that I am tired of just dealing with depression, anxiety, addictions, and the more severe mental disorders.  It literally sucks the very life out of you and you get sick of working with someone that is so focused only on their self that they can’t see outside their own viewpoint to realize that there is healing if they really wanted it.  I can say this being someone that has dealt with anxiety and depression, as well as alcohol and drug addiction all my life.  Instead of dwelling in my addictions and mood disorders, I chose to seek life – life more abundantly.  I believe we have a choice in how we will respond to the cards that we’re dealt (this doesn’t apply to those with schizophrenia and the more severe mood disorders that are debilitating).  I get so tired of being so selfish and only thinking about myself and how I am feeling physically and mentally.  It really does get old and I’d rather apply my strengths into helping others acheive a more fuller and rewarding life.

Ok, I have a lot on my mind…guess I just really needed to vent…more to come I am sure!

Vote for Mindy Hughes

VOTE FOR MINDY HUGHES

Mindy Hughes was picked as one of the top 20 to showcase her music for a chance to win 15,000 euros – That’s over $20,000 in that states. You can view Mindy and the other 19 artists here – she is the only female selected from the United States – http://www.slicethepie.com/Showcase/ShowcaseDetail.aspx?SCN=126 Given the news of a her first child on the way, Mindy has been saving all her pennies to ensure the best possible life for her child, which means her full album, “Flower in a Tornado” had to go on hold. Please help her secure these funds so that she can finish this album by voting for her at http://www.slicethepie.com/Showcase/ShowcaseDetail.aspx?SCN=126 You simply have to sign up with an email address – they DO NOT SEND SPAM. On this site you can listen to other artist, rate them, and get paid for it! It’s a win win situation and if you are an artist, you can submit your own music. Please stop by and vote for Mindy Hughes at http://www.slicethepie.com/Showcase/ShowcaseDetail.aspx?SCN=126 , she really appreciates your vote!!! Blessings!

So much has happened since my last blog.  I actuallyh started a baby blog since I am 17-weeks pregnant:) YAY!  We are very excited and eagerly await the birth of our first child.  I finished a 5 song e.p. and will be releasing it on iTunes July 1, 2008.  I am very proud of these songs and feel like for the first time in my writing, I was able to take what I really wanted to say, put it into a song and record it.  I have many more, but since we are saving our pennies I decided to release an e.p. instead of a full blown album:)

Anywho, I’m about to finish my first quarter in my PhD program and I really did enjoy it.  I like this school much better than OLLU for graduate school because it actually challenges me whereas the other school seemed to not really make a student work.  I don’t agree with buying your grade, I believe in working for them….especially if you are going to be working with human lives!

Anywho, not much else is going on….

Ciao for now:)
Mindy

Meaningless thoughts in a world where thoughts are everything.  It’s been a while since I have been able to take the chance to sit down and write, much less catch my thoughts. That seems to be the main issue here, I can’t even really get out my thoughts or feelings because I am just so caught up in doing.

There is a pseudo-stigma in being an alcoholic or addict, so thinks the alcoholic or addict – and maybe their families that have lived sheltered lives. The fact is that it is more common than most would like to believe. I would bet that you would find an alcoholic or addict in every family. I don’t just mean addict in one that is addicted to drugs, there are all kinds: shopping, money, stocks, gambling, food, etc. The list could go on forever.

So in working with this type of population, I’ve decided that I would be most beneficial with my PhD in Clinical Psychology. I know that some people believe that the higher your education, the less you really can help people. That can be the case with some, but not with me. I love working with people, I love to make people feel better and I just feel that I can better assess people and their needs.

Anyways, rambling on and ready for the next thing….

till then…..Aloha